Aged 13/14yrs old – I had moved back to Norfolk around 6 months previous so I am making new friends yet again for the 5th time since I was 9, due to various moves following my mum and dad’s divorce.
Mum was also recovering from her mastectomy she had (I think around July 1987) and was quite depressed at this time. This also put pressure on her marriage to GF although there were many arguments before the illness!
Reading back on this for the first time is a bit strange and to be honest I am wondering if or why I am doing this and maybe I should just read them myself!! Obviously I know the 10 years in summary which is why I think this could be a good insight but I cannot remember what I would have written each day. As I am also quite descriptive and later very emotional, just after this first month, I am beginning to see some issues I may have? However, I remind myself that it is a good insight into a young girl’s thoughts, emotions and life / unknown mental health issues / pre Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) awareness and how that may be either a help to someone who is going through similar difficult times or just read as a story which may have no ending as such!
So let’s start at the beginning and back to 09/02/1988 and I do remember starting my diary on my bed with a white duvet which had lots of squares of different colours, grey, blue, red and yellow surrounded by posters of stars such as Madonna, Billy Idol, Johnny Depp, Brother Beyond, Bros (oops did I really admit that lol) and the likes. It was in the one room in the house where probably most teens spend their free hours!
I remember drawing out the lines on a blank notepad with no covers. Each page I did a line down the middle and then once a day was written, I drew a line across the page, ready for the next. On this first month I drew 14 lines across which, was pretty much the same for every page with the boxes being approx. 10cm x 2cm. As I got further into my style and releasing my feelings and thoughts with a pen and paper, I started writing on the reverse of some of the pages with the date ….cont. which of course gave me more space for those really testing days heehee!! You will become to realise that my writing has not changed much in the sense that I am unable to summarise to save my life!
I had not written any form of diary before this that I can remember and goodness knows why I decided to start it that particular day as it was quite uneventful by the looks of it but here is what happened and what took me on a writing journey spanning 10 years!
09 – Finished toy train in woodwork. Still bored with Spanish. Bad winds.
10 – Hair appointment 3.30pm. Had perm. Looked nice. K came round and liked it.
11 – People liked my hair. J still ill. Can’t go to Skyline disco tomorrow night.
12 – Go to Skyline and meet D etc. Saw Z (back from camp). Went back to D’s at 9.30pm and stayed till 11pm. Dead boring. Went down town.
13 – Went to K’s. Went out with K, Mum and GF to Swan Inn, E Harling. Fight nearly occurred. Got a bit frightened. Also got a valentine card. Don’t know who from. Not Mum/Dad/GF.
14 – Valentine’s Day. Went to Valentine dance at leisure centre with Mum and GF and met J. I think same person sent her and me a valentines card. Taped Top 40. Changed my posters around.
15 – Went town with S. Spent nearly all day down there. Brought 12” single Curiosity Killed The Cat. Watched Moonlighting. Very sunny day. Saw G. Saw Z who ignored me.
16 – Met L downtown. Later met up with K and E. Went to Wiltons and had chips and coke. Went home. Took GF some tea. Met J & J up town. Then met B & R. Went to J’s house (lovely). Played snooker. Went to cinema with gang. I think I like KC.
17 – Went to J’s. I really like KC now. I’d love to help him cos he’s not well (nearly Anorexic) cuddled me. Feel sick now. I wish he was here. Can’t wait to see him tomorrow.
18 – Saw KC today. He kissed and cuddled me. He got home alright yesterday. Hardly ate a thing. He’s real fun. Was 10mins late. Hope I can go out tomorrow still.
19 – Went to J’s. Saw KC and I. J & I went away for weekend. Going to miss her. I like her a lot now. KC came round mine at night and he fell asleep. Before he fell asleep he took my hand and kissed then fell asleep holding it. Wish he would have stayed tonight.
20 – Went up town. Called J. Paid £2.00 into bank. Looked for KC, couldn’t see him. Decided not to chase round for him. J phoned. I’m glad she’s having a good time. I cried a little remembering last night. Went past house 4 times. Never called!
21 – Called for J. Played snooker and then she came round mine. She went home at 1.00pm so I went to see Mum at leisure centre. Dead bored. Very upset because I couldn’t see J or KC. I could scream or punch something. I feel like crying.
22 – Went back to school. Quite good. Saw KC at end of day. Went back too J’s. Had tea at 5.30pm. Went round D’s 7.30pm to 8.30pm. Quite tired again. I suppose I will have a reasonably early night. Received Anglia TV letter about Make-up Artist. Very interesting. I think I might just stick to Beauty Therapist, not that sure. Mum and GF had a mini argument. Nothing to worry about.
23 – Mum & GF have had a major argument. I hope GF goes this time, he said he would. Mum is very very upset. I felt like phoning KC or going round to J’s but I just sat in the lobby. Saw KC. He wanted the photocopy of my watch. I is ill.
24 – GF came back (hate him) sad at school. Went to J’s for tea. Very comforting. I’ve found a very good friend. Went to kiss Mum but she didn’t make any effort. Didn’t say anything to GF. I’m trying to ignore him. Feel very distant from Mum now. I wish KC was here. Very sad. Mum then said how she loved me.
25 – J played in hockey match. Spoke to KC. He phoned up at 9.05pm and stopped at 9.57pm. Said all things. He might come tomorrow night with J and I. Looking forward to it. Didn’t kiss GF goodnight.
26 – KC came round. Quite enjoyed myself. J & I came round as well so I didn’t enjoy myself as much as I did on 19/02/88. See him tomorrow. I can’t wait. Had a little cry when they went.
27 – Went to J’s & I’s. Saw KC. He was more affective towards me but drifted off to J cos she was upset. I’ve swapped watches with him and then later on I thought I broke it. Went to leisure centre. They had a disco and I danced. Carried on till 12.07am. Very good. Went to sleep at 12.30am.
28 – Could see KC later today. I wonder how KC’s doing in bike race (11.46). Got up at 12.00 ish (naughty) re polished my nails. KC didn’t come but I phoned him. He couldn’t complete race cos he fell off. Poor boy. Wrote a letter. Hope he likes it. Get to get stamp tomorrow.
29 – Woke up at 3.27am and got a scone and drink. Went back to sleep. Looked out the window in morning and it was snowing hard. Got ready. Phoned J and school was still on. Went to J’s and walked to school in gale force winds and snow. Went to J’s till 6pm. Talked about KC and sex etc. Found out a few things about J but I still like her. In fact I like her more because I feel I’ve been trusted as a friend.