01 – (Tuesday) Nothing much happened today. Finished art exam. Have to concentrate on French Oral now. Started kind of a diet today. Didn’t go too bd except the biscuits I had when I got home and before I went to bed. I’ll cut them out and I’ll be fine. If I think I will be thin, just in time for Summer. Party good eh! I’ll probably get a good figure, dream on again. K stayed until 8pm. Mum lost her keys.
02 – Went to school. Didn’t do much, loads a sun. Took dog for a walk at night. Mum had interview at Barnham Broom. GB and D came back. Quite good. C really likes GB but not as much as me as I’ve not told her I like him like I do. Went swimming with K and A. Good fun.
03 – Went to school. Really hot again. Started to get a tan slightly. Mum worked in bar at Barnham Broom so I had to walk the dog. J came with me. Saw GB at 9.30 and he came back till 12 midnight. Mum was a bit angry. Just talked about being yourself and he said he’ll take me up to Norwich and help me get some clothes, we’re just really good friends, it’s brilliant. He’s lovely. Went swimming with K and when I dropped her off M answered the door in just his boxer shorts, he looked really…
04 – Went to Tech, didn’t do nothing, sunbathed most of the day. Went to party at night. Quite crap. Apparently somebody told E who told GB, I had said to someone that GB and I was seeing each other. He didn’t believe it. I wonder who it was or whether she’s just making it up. I’d never say that. How stupid. Saw J. He was with H. I talked a bit with GB. Felt a bit uncomfortable in what I was wearing (black culottes and red shirt).
05 – Went to work. Got £15.95. It was really boring. It’s so hot I nearly fainted and I felt sick. Went up town. Saw GB towards end. Good ole boy. Went to Downstairs. GB went to Bar-B-Q. Missed him. Felt like freaked out with him tonite. When we came out I was with L who went up and cuddled him. I was envious. Mum did a wedding but she came home at 11.30pm because her feet had swollen up.
06 – Went to Hopton with Mum, Nan, GB, K & L. It was quite a laugh. We come back at 11.15pm. GB and I went into my room. We just layed on the bed like it was at D’s that time. I didn’t kiss him. I wasn’t sure. He went downstairs on the couch at 4.15am. He could have slept up in my bedroom. Mum has loads of trust in us. He’s lovely. He’s got the loving touch so to say. I think he does like me, he must do. I felt comfortable and I think he did.
07 – No school – Got up early. Couldn’t sleep. I feel a bit sick. Can’t believe GB stayed. Got him breakfast around 11. He then had a shower and Mum and Nan went to Snetterton Mkt. Nothing happened all day until just before Mum and Nan came in. He just layed on me and I stroked his neck. I think I have a way. I’m very loving and I think he feels it. Mum and Nan came in and we went down and made dinner. Things went on and he ended up on top of me. We kissed, it was lovely. He slid his hand down my body and I thought I was in a film. If there is a next time, it will be 100 times better. L, R & D came round and basically L and R dished out their sarky remarks and told GB where to go and me then they went. GB stayed for dinner then we went round D’s. I feel like a Bonnie & Clyde because we got to act as if we didn’t do anything so I can’t tell anyone. It’s so secretive. Talk about secret rendezvous. He likes his neck, face and back being stroked. I really like him, told him I didn’t want to be used just to get rid of L and I’d be angry if he did. He said he didn’t. We joked through the day and I got quite a few things across, it was brilliant.
08 – Went to school for Art today. C came home with me. We both went up town with D and called for GB. we later came back to mine without D. C and GB got quite close, what a bastard. He’s just like the others. He really has angered me. He knows I’m angry.
09 – Didn’t go to school. GB and D came round about 2pm. Went to get K then came back. C then came round and stayed till 10pm. She was all over GB and I thought what a complete bastard. D went at 9pm. When C went GB and I had quite a long talk. He knows more or less exactly how I feel and what I think of him and I’ve told him he could now play on it with all the information he’s got on me. He does like C and will probably go out with her soon. I’ll be really upset but we can be really good friends and something may come of it because he said he didn’t regret Monday. I still dream about if he was my boyfriend but I think I’ll just have to live with it but there’s no one else I like yet!!!
10 – FRENCH ORAL – Didn’t go to school, only for my French Oral at 2.30pm for 10mins. Went a lot better than I thought. Talked about daily routine, school, plans for future. Cold has got a bit worst. GB didn’t come round tonite. I was quite a bit peeved. I really do like him a lot and it annoys me cos he knows I do and he still thinks of me as a friend. Mind you, I think it’s probably better this way. I can’t get hurt anymore can I?
11 – Didn’t go to school. Mum’s old friend S from Attleborough came today. My cold is just as bad. Went to Downstairs at night. I was really nervous. Stayed with C all night. L, L, R have been giving me dirty looks all night. L and GB are back together. I’m really upset. I know it was to happen but I feel so stupid as if he’s told the whole world what happened Monday. It may not have meant anything to him but it meant a lot to me. I was on edge cos I felt I was in competition with L on Monday. He’s such a bastard even though L and K are lovely girls. God I’m pissed off, why can’t I find anyone, maybe I’m just a lot different to everybody else.
12 – Didn’t go to work. Pretty pissed off. Went to Norwich with Mum. Quite fun. Went to Downstairs and stayed with LN, GB, D and C. it was really good. GB walked C home hoping to stay the night but I can’t see C’s Mum being too happy. I’d laugh if he had to walk all the way back from hers on his own. L wasn’t there and we had a really relaxing time with all of us.
13 – Didn’t do much. C came round. Went up town. Went round D’s. GB did stay round hers last night. She said he just layed there with nothing on and she had her pyjamas on. He thinks she’s a bit of a slag but I haven’t had a proper talk with him. He came round mine later on and they were all over each other. All I could think about was this time last week. I really do like the bastard. Talked about dreams and ghosts etc. I became really scared cos we had the light out. D and GB walked her home. I hope he doesn’t like her.
14 – LN PASSED HIS DRIVING TEST 1.55PM – MAIN GCSE’s START – ENGLISH LANGUAGE – Went to school at 12.45pm. My exam isn’t until 2.15pm. went round D’s with C. Exam went ok. Went round D’s at 7pm. Went round GB’s. He just kept picking holes in me. I know he does it to annoy me but when he calls me a dozy thick cow, it reminds me of what GF said to Mum and it makes you think and it does upset me. He also goes on about my weight, it’s got fuck all to do with him. I’m not happy with it but I can’t change it. C wasn’t al over him and vice versa but still got upset.
15 – BIOLOGY – Went round to D’s until 12.15pm. Went for Biology exam. Went OK, didn’t do terrible I don’t think but you can’t tell. C came round then at 9.30pm GB came then at 9.45pm LN and D came. Quite good evening. GB gave me a heart attack cos he said he had read a couple of days in my diary but he hadn’t. I could show him but Mum said he’d always have a hold on me then. He’ll probably play at it. He was nice tonite so it was better than yesterday. Oh I really do like him, what a bummer hey!.
16 – Went round D’s. Mum’s really getting on my nerves. I know I don’t help and I’m being lazy and not revising etc but I just can’t be bothered. She’s really annoying me. I don’t really want to be with her lately. Get out of the house or away from her as soon as possible and that’s really horrible feeling. Went to L’s with LN, GB, D and LN’s driving seems good. I become instantly jealous but I had to hide it. L seemed fine. She’s not thin either. Oh I’m really hung up on him. I let D read my poem on him and some of last years diary!! Was that a mistake. I don’t know. Mum said keep the diary to myself and no one else but I just want everyone to know I’m totally pissed off cos I like him so much. Dad rang, didn’t say much.
17 – FRENCH LISTENING AND READING – Got birthday card from S. Wrote feelings in my feeling book about GB who I do like so much but who has spoilt it once again. Mum’s done my bedroom in balloons and a notice, isn’t she lovely. Yeah well I’m really upset and I want GB to know it. He’s spoilt my birthday but I’ll come up all rosy and shining again, you see, but it will all be a front and that’s my life. That’s all folks, see ya soon when I’m 16. Lots of love xxx
18 – MY BIRTHDAY AND MY DADDY SAYS HE LOVES ME MORE AND MORE EVERY YEAR (APART FROM WHEN I’M NAUGHTY AND CHEEKY – COS DAD KNOW’S BESTEST – written by my Dad who gives me a diary every year for Christmas now. What a birthday!! Went to see Dad at lunchtime. How upsetting. Had good meal etc but memories came back of the worry free years. GB’s upset me a lot. A couple of words to describe how I’m feeling – depressed, angry, upset, lonely, heartbroken, empty and myself (boring) what a great day. Huh Bastard.
19 – Over slept so I didn’t go to work. Bit guilty. Went round D’s then up to GB’s. Stayed round there then I came home. D and GB came round and Mum went to work. Quite good then C came round. Great hey! D fancies me a lot but he hasn’t actually said apart from he’s in the same situation as I am. I told him a little something happened bank holiday weekend. C then ended up with GB and I was annoyed. C went home at 12. GB left and I was angry and sarcastic towards him and didn’t even show him to the door. What a bastard. D’s more or less told me GB is playing with my emotions. I want to give him the letter to let him know what he’s like if nothing else but that won’t change him.
20 – Hi ya, I’m back. He’s been a bastard today. I wrote a letter (bastardish one) this morning and I’m really happy because I’ll give him both and I know he’ll read them (what will he think?)
21 – CHEMISTRY & MATHS – Exams went OK. Went round D’s in afternoon with C. Stayed in at night. C went to a gig and the boys were around town. Washed hair and had shower. Changed my posters around.
22 – FRENCH WRITING – Exams were a bit hard. Had dream about LN writing a love letter to me. Huh. It seemed like LN and GB together. C came round. D and GB did also. GF came down in morning and the police arrested him for drunk driving at night. Mum and him talked round J’s. She said there seems to be a definite charge and she told him her thoughts etc. D went at 9.10pm and GB, C and I had good talk. C knows my feelings for GB and I’ve asked her not to be guilty. GB and I said quite a few things e.g. why he didn’t go out with me (my first boyfriend – he too full of it) He said all the things he needed. He went at 12.15. There’s still loads more to say although my letter says a fair bit which he hasn’t read yet.
23 – PHYSICS – Physics went ok. Didn’t do much else. Saw everyone tonite. Not too good. Didn’t really do much.
24 – Went up town with C. Spent all day looking in library for churches to form a 6 pointed star around one church but was looking in wrong place on map. Went round D’s. They all came back at night. GB walked C home. They look good/happy.
25 – MATHS / SCHOOL BREAKS UP – Maths exam ok. Didn’t do much in afternoon. Went to Norwich with Mum. I got a poncho, pink, cream and purple, pretty beserk although not what I went for. I’d like to change but I don’t know what to. Went to Downstairs at night. Pretty boring as usual lately. GB was with L. Huh!! Went home at 11pm, got a chinses and had it at home. Bed by 12. Knackered. Upset as well.
26 – Went to work. Terrible but I’ve got to stick at it. C came to mine around 8.30pm. She’s staying the night. Mum’s gone away tonite and tomorrow nite. L was at downstairs. Spoke to two boys that C knew, J and A. J was quite nice. I had a feeling D and GB were a bit jealous., I hope. Quite good night. GB and D came back. Chucked D out at 4am. GB stayed. He’s all over C which is annoying me. God how I wish it was me. When she laughing it makes me puke.
27 – Got up around 9am. Got C & GB up around 12. Stayed and lounged around all day. GB was all over C again. Went to party at night in a field. I feel really free with Mum not around. It’s great, house to myself etc. At party there was a big fire, open field, disco and lights. It was a bit cold. Came home at 2am. LN and Gb came back. LN went around 3.30am. GB stayed over and was all over C again. Had quite a good day and evening. Feel free I just want GB to myself. I want to give my love to someone.
28 – Got up around 10 am. I’m knackered. C and GB slept on settee all night. GB had no clothes on in morning and C wrote all over him. He’s a bit annoying because he doesn’t clear up after himself but there you go. He said a few things wrong likely me and I guess he is true. Mum came back. She sems in a mood. I think she’s just tired. LN, GB and D was round. C went. Gone to London for a week to see a gig. Watched Beverley Hills Cop and Blue Lagoon. LN layed next to me with his arm round me. I felt I was getting my own back on GB but I doubt it. I felt free and not so nervous as I normally would! They went about 12.20am.
29 – Got up for K at 8.30am. Went back to bed till 12. Stayed in all day. I’ve a got a feeling I just want to get up and go somewhere to get away from Mum. I know it’s wrong of me but I felt so free at the weekend. Did what I wanted, I desperately want to change. I want a boyfriend, be adventurous, enjoy myself, not doubting anyone. Why not, life’s meant to be a party and I should stop worrying. Be fun and carefree but not stupid. What categories hey, can’t do one without the other. GB and D came round but annoyed me cos they went early. Watched video on my TV. Good. ‘Breathless’ again. D really annoying me i.e using me, my house and it was a good job they had to go. I’ve got a bit of a love/hate attitude towards GB tonite. God I WANT TO CHANGE?
30 – Stayed around home. C came round. Didn’t do much. I really do want to change.
31 – Stayed around town with C. Good fun. Spent whole day looking in library for 6 pointed star in churches. Totally looked at wrong place etc. Oh well, it was fun. Saw others at night. Not too bad. I suppose GB and C are all over each other. Listened to C’s tape ‘The Smiths’ It’s really good. Changed my posters around. They look pretty good.
June 1990
01 (Friday) – Stayed round town again. I want to get away from this place. Had a bit of fun I suppose. Went to Downstairs. GB was all over L. Was quite boring which is the norm now. C was speaking to me. No one else really does anymore but I couldn’t give a shit. Really tired. C stayed the night. Was going to stay in and watch 3 ghost videos but I got scared so we went out.
02 – Got the sack today from work so I didn’t go in. I was really upset. Went into work with C at Swaffham Market on a pet stall because S was away. It was really good. I got paid £6 but I’ve got to start looking for another job. Went to Downstairs at night. Watched a video before we went. Talked tonight with J and A. That was quite good. J quite nice. They go to boarding school. Haven’t seen GB all day and night.
03 – C went to work. Didn’t do much. Went for bike ride to Gressenhall, Beetley, Dereham. Quite good fun in the pouring rain. C and I were knackered. Watched videos. GB and D came round at night. Talked to GB serious a lot of things he says about me are true but he does still annoy me and D is really annoying me.
04 – SCHOOL BEGINS – C stayed last night again. Went for bike ride up to Bealea Hall, it was really bad. Took some photos. Couldn’t look around because this bloke told us to get out. Didn’t think it was that bad but I suppose it’s much worst at night. GB and D came round then C did. She was going to go to a gig but decided not to. Quite good. D went at 10pm and Gb walked C back at 11pm. Really tired.
05 – ENGLISH LITERATURE – Exam weren’t too bad. Mum’s figured somethings wrong with me. There isn’t but there is. It’s nothing important, I just think a lot. Brought a skirt (gothicky) really nice £25 oops. Haven’t any income now so I should be a bit careful. GB, D and M came round, so did C. GB was really annoying. GB and D went up to garage and M and I had quite a good chat. He said he thinks he’s read the letters from me. He’s not sure. I think GB must of. He thinks GB may like C but they’re just his opinions, quite good take.
06 – Recently I’ve been dreaming a lot about LN and getting off with him. I really want to see him as well but I don’t know where he is or goes off to of a night. He can’t see C every night. I really ant to see him, maybe just to get a cuddle etc, GB’s with C. It’s bad being second let alone third so I’ll give it a miss. Mum’s told Dad there’s something wrong with me. He rang up, didn’t tell him much, just what I think about memories etc.
07 – Didn’t do much. Went to Norwich with C, her Mum and sister. C took me to a few shops she likes. The Indoor Market do lovely skirts etc. She bought some purple dye. Went to C’s at night. She dyed her fringe and GB’s but it didn’t show at all on his and only a fraction on hers. She crimped his fringe. It looked really nice. He walked me home and came in for a cup of tea. It’s really annoying cos when he walks her home he has his arm round her but nothing happened with me. Sniffle. I think A is down.
08 – Yes A is down. Saw him in The Florin. He looked quite nice. Bought his mate, P, down. He’s a laugh I should think. Dressed in total black for the Downstairs. I think I looked good. I’ve always wanted to dress like that, I can’t believe I actually did, It’s like a dream come true. I felt good except I was very tired and a bit pissed off cos A got off with L, seems like he likes her although he was totally pissed. Taped quite a few of C’s LP’s. They’re really good.
09 – Stayed in bed. Got up around 1pm. Saw GB go past in his car so I s’pose he won’t stay around. C came round about 5pm. GB dropped her off. He went round there. He’ll be doing a lot of that which means I’ll never be on my own with him. Good doesn’t life get better. Went to Downstairs at night. GB dropped me off then probably went round C’s.
10 – Stayed in bed till late. Nanny and Grandad went. Went round C’s. Quite boring. Saw LN, GB, D. C came back to mine. Went up town. Came home around 11.35pm after speaking to A for a hour and eating a chinque via D’s. Saw D and Gb went for a spin. I felt really safe although GB likes C I might be kidding myself but he may like me as well. We could end up together, will everything change, I feel weird. How I’ve to feel for years in this gothicky mood although C tries to keep me a little clear of some gothic bands, I really like the Nephs best apart from Morrissey and The Smiths as well.
11 – Didn’t do much today. Just went round town with C. GF came round straight after work which was surprising and pleasing. Later D, M LN came round. D pulled down the curtain rail in my lounge and they were al trying to put it back, it was so funny. Luckily LN had a few things in his van and they fixed it. It was great. I was with LN tonite. If they can have 2 girls, I can have 2 boys if I want yeh.
12 – Went up to C’s with the dog. Mum not well at all. She’s called doctor round. He thinks she’s got a virus. She’s all achey etc. I’m a bit scared. GF is helping her a lot. GF came round straight after work again. C wasn’t there, she was having her hair cut. I was rubbing his back and front on the settee, I really enjoyed it. I think he did as well, I wish I was going out with him. Actually I don’t. O love it like this except sometimes it’s depressing. D and C came round about 8.30pm, GB was over me tonite, I loved it how he turns me on. He took C home and I think quite a ot might have happened as she was really jealous making sarky remarks she gave. I don’t think it will spoil our friendship, not from my end anyway.
13 – LAST EXAM – SCIENCE TOPICS – Had last exam this afternoon. Great I don’t feel how I thought I would. No celebrations etc. C came round. GB and D went to babysit with L. I’m upset. I’ve realised again. Huh. C went. GB came round with D around 10.45pm. Mum wouldn’t let them in that late. Talked to them on the doorstep. Great hey.
14 – Went to Fakenham with Mum. She bought me some trousers and a top. Indy style. They’re really nice. GB and C and D came round. Got photos developed. Quite good. Ones of GB and C piss me off . One of me and him piss me off because I knew we wasn’t doing anything and it meant nothing to him. Bit moody today with them. Went to Bealea Hall with them. Quite good. Not as scary as I imagined. Lady was calling a dog so we legged it. She was calling it constantly at same level, o difference for calls. Wish I was with GB. I’m really upset but there you go. I’ve been off to him, do me good cos he said if one goes off he’s got the other. Well C will have to go off him 1st.
15 – Didn’t do much during day. Went to Watton at night with C. Really boring. She’s quite a boring person. Came home around 11. Went to Downstairs and stood outside then met LN. Went in his van. He had his arm round me. Quite good evening. GB came out all over C as soon as he saw her. It’s not fair. I really like him and he does this to me. C stayed the night.
16 – Went round town. Nothing much happened. Stayed in bed most of the day. Got 2 videos ‘Nightmare on Elm Street 4’ and ‘Amityville Horror’. Quite good. NM Elm Street 4 was brilliant. Stayed in and watched them at night, C stayed.
17 – Didn’t do much today. C went to work. Came back. Mum and GF went out. Went up town. Did normal stuff. Saw D. He’s back from Boarding school. K and L came back. GB came round. Later on L came round. What a surprise for GB hey.
18 – Stayed around the house as usual. Don’t seem to do much else these days. Going Strawberry picking this week. Mum still seems really weak and tired. GB is seeing L again tonite. Now he’s got his car, he’ll be over there all the time. On my own tonite. C and I just sit here like stuffed lemons while he’s enjoying himself wherever he is.
19 – Nothing much happened. Getting bored of writing that. God how could I be so stupid. GB has informed me that he let L read those letters I wrote him. What a fool. He also said he didn’t care. That does it. He stayed the night with C. I don’t think neither of them had many clothes on. I feel disgusted looking back. What a bastard. L will now know we’ve been lying because in the letter it says quite clearly I got off with him.
20 – Mum wasn’t happy about GB staying and he’s not allowed to again. She’s made me and C realise how he’s using us cos that’s all he’s doing. He only came round last nite cos his Dad wouldn’t let him have the car and D wasn’t in. What a user/c**t. That’s it. That’s the end of him. Starting from next time I see him, I’ll show him and he’ll show me he don’t care , god I’m upset.
21 – Stayed around town on my own. Tried to look for a job. None around. Going Strawberry picking all next week. Saw I. He’s quite nice actually. Had quite a good talk while walking the dogs umm!! C came round at night. Quite boring. I think I’ll try not to see her as much for friendship sake. Looking forward to tomorrow evening. Haven’t seen GB for 2 days so I’m building up my strength. Mum seems quite ill today. It’s worrying me a bit.
22 – LEAVE SCHOOL! – Went to school for final assembly. Got various comments about my new way of dress. Report was good. I suppose it was quite sad to leave them but I never was part of them. Quite boring morning. Went to college at night. Had a good evening. The girls seem quite nice but Mum said I stood out the best. Nobody else apart from 2 or 3 girls seemed to bother much. I’m really quite excited about going. I can’t wait, a new start to a perfect dream. Mum took me for dinner after. It was nice. Mum’s emissions have come to an end. She might be put back on radiotherapy which means she’ll probably become ill a lot now. It hasn’t really affected me so that means it probably hasn’t hit me yet.
23 – Went to Norwich with Mum and S. Got a skirt and pair of dolly shoes. They’re lovely. Went to Downstairs with C. Stayed till 10.15pm went up precinct, talked about me and her etc. She’s basically blaming me for losing touch with some of her friends but really it was GB. She just used my house like he did. Bought me home but I was horrible but apparently everyone is slagging me off behind my back saying I’m going downhill. I’m really upset. It’s hurting me about GB and I’m thinking of Mum and Dad and everything, I don’t know, I never do in this place.
24 – C came round surprisingly. Went up town. Went round D’s. He’s better towards me now which is good. Went back at night. There was me, D, Q, I, LN, B, C and T. It was quite good. Mum’s been with GF all day. Although GB turns me on etc., I have to forget him. I feel I’m doing quite a good job at the moment!
25 – Mum’s got taken to hospital today. I know it sounds awful but when I got told that she might have pluracy (something for lungs) I was a bit disappointed. I think because however much she wants to live, I’d like it to be fast so she doesn’t suffer and so she dies happy not sad and leaves happy memories for me. Maybe that’s a bit selfish. S staying round. Probably have to go to hospital tomorrow. I don’t mind as long as she doesn’t get upset which is quite impossible if you think about it. Dad stopping.
26 – Didn’t do much in morning. Hoovered lounge and cleaned. B went to get 3pm bus but G got times wrong so I had to wait till 4.37pm. Went up and got some flowers. She looked really ill. She was all blue and a bit dehydrated and she couldn’t talk cos she had hardly any energy. \came home. Went to D’s. Went around town. Went in some pubs. Saw GB. Went for a spin round Rashing Estate. D had a go as well. Hope he hasn’t got wrong idea. He’s fine as a mate but no more. Might get a job at chocolate factory with T but I’ll be on my own but its £2.30 an hour 8-5 everyday.
27 – Went strawberry picking with C. Got £5.10 for 3 ½ hours. Not too bad but really boring. Phoned A up meeting her tomorrow in Norwich. Looking forward to that cos I do get on well with her. Phoned up hospital. They said Mum is a little better but it is her liver, not pluracy. Spoke to her on the phone. She just seemed to moan. I like the freedom I feel when she’s not around. Dad rang. He never seems to say Love You when he puts the phone down, just ta ta x Had a bit of a disagreement about C. Oh well, I know how I feel and if he don’t care enough to see me on his own for a couple of days then well I don’t know what he thinks. See Mum tomorrow. Looked through her wedding photos , 21st birthday and Ibiza holiday. Brings back memories.
28 – Went on an early bus to see Mum. Stayed with her till 12.30pm. She seems a bit better. Met A at 1pm, stayed with her till 2pm. Had drink and scone. Bought D’s birthday card. Went to Burger King. Tripped up stairs and spilt my coke. How embarrassing. Waiter bought me a large one. Good eh. Met A at 3.45. Went to hospital to see Mum. A’s really good. Can’t wait till she comes down but I still doubt her. Came home at 7pm. Took dog for a walk. Dad phoned and we had long talk about him & c and me, feelings etc. I can’t understand why he can’t give his weekend to see me or even 2 evenings when he’s with her all year whenever he wants and be together. It’s hard. I hope he doesn’t get upset but I had to say it. I cried but I don’t know whether he noticed.
29 – Went up Norwich at 2pm. Saw Mum. She seems better. It sounds evil but I want her to stay in there and not come home. God that’s sick. I don’t understand why I feel like this all of a sudden. I know I enjoy some freedom but I shouldn’t like it that much. Dad phoned. Meeting him in Norwich tomorrow. Wrote to someone who’s mysterious. Goth in popshop. Hope she writes back. I’ve another one to write to, a boy. Hope they reply.
30 – Went up Norwich and met dad. Had quite nice day. Told him how I feel when I dress how I now dress. I can’t explain it properly but its good. He bought me a blouse but I think I just got it to get something and he gave me £30 to help me towards bus fares etc. Went to Downstairs at night. Quite good. L & GB was there.
