Why?

Hello, I have been writing poems, ramblings and diaries on and off since I was 14 and now 31 years later, I have decided to share some of my original writings along with some new works which are as yet unwritten!

I am a lover of music, theatre, books and film and through my life I have loved getting lost in these worlds when reality has been difficult to comprehend. I also love biographical books/films and recently a relative has published 3 volumes of her mum’s diaries from 1936-1940. I have found these to be so interesting and a snapshot into the world at the time by an everyday person. I always thought my diaries would be a retirement project but I have been inspired for sharing some of my diaries now, well why not? I think I probably should add that due to the reason for starting a diary, which was as a release for my thoughts and emotions as I had no one else I could share them with, I was luckily able to find a release by putting pen to paper. However, in saying that there are some raw emotions amongst the mundane and I want to make it clear that I do not wish to offend or upset anyone. It was many years ago and exactly just that, an extract of a young girls diary at a very difficult time followed by years of getting to grips with mental health. I started my diaries when my mum was diagnosed with cancer who then died 3 years later when I was aged 16. I stopped writing a daily diary around 1998 although I did try to pick this up again around 2013. I think I need to get up in my loft room soon! My Dad has always shown me so much love and support and has guided me even through the toughest of years and I will always thank him for being the best even when I was running scared! I realise not everyone has that core person in their lives who believes in you no matter what and shows you that unconditional love and I am in awe of what he has passed to me and I just hope that I, in some way, pass that on to those in my life closest to my heart.

I am also a person who asks many questions and it is only recently I do not feel the need to ask Why all the time and this is partly my reason for starting this blog now. Not that I do not have anymore questions or feel the need to ask them, just that I am in a place where I understand my own mind a bit more and just ask in a different way.

I have always had an interest in dreams and spiritual experiences from within but I am not fond of religion. However, I completely understand that some people need something to believe in and follow and I think that is important for them. I personally had my rabbit Sleepy, a stuffed teddy laying down with his arms behind his head and yes, I still have him. As I got older my love for music became my religion! My heart and soul is with heavy metal/rock but I also love blues, jazz, punk, great singers and musicians whatever their genre.

After saying that, and I have thought whether to add this in but it is part of now for me and so I hope it does not deter people from reading further but if it does then maybe this is not the blog for you as I aim to be truthful & open however difficult that may be at times. My interest in spiritual things have arisen again in the last few months and I am reading ‘A Year and a Day of Everyday Witchcraft’ to build up my knowledge and see if there are any aspects which feel right. The poem at the beginning is one I wrote when setting my statement of intent for 2019, something I have never done before, so, there may be a few more poems I may write using inspiration from the book.

My main work is as an Office Manager in an Adult Social Care Team. I enjoy my work and the team. I also work behind the bar or as an usher at my local theatre and a venue in the town where I live and within the last two years I have been operating lights at a Theatre and Arts Centre along with  a National Trust Barn Theatre. I am hoping, time permitting, that I can develop my lighting skills more this year. I often feel so lucky to be able to work in the theatre and music world I love and this has also inspired me to start this blog.  

I am not an intellect nor am I someone who tells people what they should think, feel or say but I am hoping that in some small way my life experiences, thoughts, observations and poems may be of interest to others. I welcome comments and questions although I have no idea how often I will add to my blog and it may be in spurts due to time but I hope you enjoy my words and share my thoughts which if nothing else, will be a heady mix of teenage confusion, mental health, breaking through barriers, travel, love, life and laughter.

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