01 (Thursday) – No leads at work. Went to meditation, it actually broke through. The walk went through a woods and I sat cross legged in a clearing and I felt the sun + bright light penetrating then I began to rise above trees into and above clouds. Loads of people all ages seemed to welcoming + introducing me to the world. When M called us to come back I didn’t want to but I said goodbye + they replied and I was back. M confirmed all. It was lovely. Went to mkt place. Saw nice boy. P concerned but it doesn’t worry me. I will try + ignore it.
02 – Got 2 leads. Took ring to M. She read about woman died of cancer. A lot of pain. Very gentle spoken saying not to ask too many questions. Slow down but in the nicest possible way. She had a motherly link to someone on earth plain. Who had an accent. She on earth didn’t understand and always said I told you so but the woman who passed over said she did understand more than I thought. Went to pub at nite. J & J at least know about my diary. NL denied it. Had long talk to KM until 3am about E + what I said to her. How she reminded me of her. How I liked J. There was a huge fight outside the Wenns. After I went up to J and asked if he was OK and how silly an d I said I do worry about you lot and gave him a little cuddle. We waited so long to cuddle that boy it felt really good. I think both ways I’m hoping anyway.
03 – GO TO NANNYS – Gone up to nana. Good journey. Nice to see them. Felt funny staying in the room where Mum stayed + I stayed when I was a lot younger. Felt bit upset. Popped in to see Uncle A, Aunt M, T, R & J. Nice to see them.
04 – Got up had dinner. Turkey roast. Uncle D, Auntie J, J + F come. Nice seeing them. Got bit upset when F said to her Mum “love you mummy” or something like that cos I used to be like that and in a way wish I still was. Physically I think it’s taken a lot out of me coming up like this but I’ll stay through it. Phoned GF and I’m meeting him and the kids during the week. Looking forward to seeing them all. In fact, I can’t wait. I’m going to see if I can meditate on my own + maybe get Mum through, just to see how she feels about it as I feel I need to know.
05 – G’S BIRTHDAY – Went up to Mum’s grave but I didn’t go in the cemetery to see it cos it didn’t feel right. Nanny couldn’t understand. Met Uncle D for lunch. Went to pub. Went to Uncle B’s + Auntie D’s. Had good day. Phoned S. Seeing her tomorrow.
06 – Went to Eastbourne. It was OK. Nothing special. Bought book on satanism, for and against and explains a lot of unanswered questions. It seems really good. Went up to S’s, not in so went for something to eat. Met S around 8pm. Before around 6ish K recognised me so I was with her. Loads of her friends got nicked for squatting so it was quite hectic. Stayed round S’s.
07 – Meeting GF + kids at 5pm. Went up town in afternoon. Went to see J, Mum’s ex hairdresser. Nice seeing her. Went up to GF’s. Saw kids. Got on fine with GF, gave him a cuddle. It seems as if we’re friends, not really good buddys but friends. He got married in June to a lady named L and they had a church wedding and he’s been doing temporary bar manager with her round Reading, London etc. Agreed with him that the funeral wasn’t all that and I told him I didn’t like the way the family treated him but what was done was done. Went out with C for drink. Brought book on life after death Christian + spiritual sides. Bought Nan’s birthday.
08 – NANNY EMILY’S BIRTHDAY – Went up town. Spent £10 of dad’s money in Boots and bought ticket for coach tomorrow. Went to see C + family + G + family. Nice to see them. They were really nice to me. I’m so glad I went to see GF. I’m sure Mum understands knowing her she’s probably crying with proudness of me. I love you Mum. I know you read this diary just as you did when you was alive but that’s why I write it. Things I can’t say to your face you’ll get here from here right!! I love you so much. Went for dinner with Nan, Grandad, Gt Nan. Nice evening. Full up. Tired. Dad phoned and I’m meeting him on Sunday, I’m happy.
09 – COME BACK FROM NANNY + GRANDADS – Came home. Journey OK. Change over was fine at Victoria (Gate 14). Got home at 10.30pm. Got taxi to Wenns. Everyone seemed glad to see me. It was really good. Saw J. Came home after pub. Saw KM. bed 1.15am.
10 – Went up to see RS in Norwich. Went to Bricklayers at night. Dyed hair Pillarbox Red. Hope to do purple. They’re not permanent colours, looks smart. They’re streaks. RS did hers in a mohawk with red. Good day + nite.
11 – MEET DAD IN NORWICH – Met dad. Went to McD’s, walk along river, live band in pub + Pizza One. Had good long talks. Didn’t sort much out but just understood a bit more. Met RS at nite and went to Festival House + Waterfront Café. Good day + nite. Really excited. Stayed at RS’s and we’re going to start making jewellery, maybe tye dye t-shirts etc + postcards, poems, posters + sell them at craft fairs. It really seems great idea. Also talked about travelling next summer + getting a place together in Norwich. It was a brill evening.
12 – Got up + went into the city. Got some starter things to make jewellery. Caught 12 bus home. Brilliant seeing her again. She’s lovely. Went to work. Didn’t knock on any doors. Dad phoned. He’s off to Greece tomorrow with C. Ever so tired.
13 – Didn’t go to work. Really pissed off for some reason. Did my washing. Went to Naval and did pub quiz. It was OK. Went to Docking. Collected my mail and left a note for the lads. Got a fuckin letter from Council asking if I shared a room etc. C**ts. I’m going to see them tomorrow. Get Black Crowes tomorrow hopefully as well.
14 – GIG AT NOTTINGHAM ROCK CITY – Didn’t go to work again. Looked for another job. Might start apple picking £100 p/w Mon-Fri 8-3. Went to ‘Rock City‘. Brill disco. One of P’s mates M went. Kept making passes kind of but as shy as I am, didn’t take them as such whereas KM got drunk and got off with him. I was quite jealous but there you go so on the way back I was kind of with G. It was good but wasn’t sure as he’s not really my type. He’s got a girlfriend + he got off with KM. P’s annoyed with me.
15 – Got back around 2.30am. Went to work. It was OK but boring. Went to meditation + was quite good. Went to few pubs. Wanted to see J as I like him a lot. I’m not sure if its good or not but there you go.
16 – Went to work. Potatoes. Went quickly. Went to pub at nite. Found out J etc might of gone on holiday. Pissed off. Like him a lot. Still like M but KM’s in the way. There’s always someone in’t there. Why am I so shy. Mind you he’s got a girlfriend. Maybe she’s doing me a favour.
17 – DONINGTON FESTIVAL – Really excited on coach. Fuckin’ brill. ‘The Black Crowes‘ were out of this world. ‘Motley Crue‘ were OK. ‘Metallica‘ were good + ‘AC/DC‘ were OK. ‘Queensryche‘ were crap. At nite camped with P etc. Could have gone with M I think but few things held me back. Wish I hadn’t. Really like him although I’ve been trying to ignore it, KM makes it worst as she doesn’t know G was with his girlfriend.
18 – Got into Lynn about 2pm. Went to bed. Went to Naval at night. M came. Told P I liked M. He reckons I can do better but why do I like him??
19 – Went to work. Back to apples. Quite boring. She’s been on phone ages now talking. Getting on well. It’s really me jealous. She’s got a bloke. What’s she want with another one. Ooh. Why me again. Going to Kerrang! On 13th October for 2 weeks for work experience, again.
20 – Went to work. Boring. Apples. Went to Naval at nite. It was OK. Got speaking to a bloke. He’s 24. Gothic type. Quite nice. Not much really happened tonite. Phoned up the photographers for Kerrang! And they seem quite promising.
21 – Went to work. Terrible. Went to Naval. That blokes got a girlfriend, who hasn’t. KM met M. She got on really well with him. She’s seeing him. He seems to like her a lot. I’m happy for her but just pissed off cos I want a bloke! I really want to see J but he’s on holiday. I think I’ll tell him. KM thinks I have a good chance. I hope so. I’m well in love with ‘The Black Crowes‘.
22 – Didn’t go to work. Bliss. Went to meditation. Really good again tonite. I felt my hand was a claw and I saw a man from a tribe holding a pole and it all seemed to fit as M told me that there is a tribe like that. D got Mum through with a message saying basically everything will be fine soon + she’s been with me through everything. Going to Kerrang! On 23rd Sept with G. So excited. Talked to that bloke S. He told me that he had just got back with his girlfriend after 6 weeks of splitting up and that he can’t see it lasting but does he look like he cares. He drove me home + she followed of course. Really happy. KM’s stayed with M and I got home before her so I had to lie to M. Hope it’s OK.
23 – (written in my diary across this day) – Read SAMS Diary RG + NB? Guess Who – Went to Norwich me + RS. Gt fun. Bought cowboy boots, hair dye (purple), T-shirt (Danzig) Went to pub at nite. K came up as well. Gt fun.
24 – Went into city. Got red dye for hair. Looked round charity shops. Went to pub then Samantha’s Disco. Leather jacket got nicked. Fucked off about that but what can you do. I’ll never feel the same about another one. I felt so protected.
25 – Came home about 12 midday. Went to gig in E Dereham at nite. Really good! ‘Caught Stealin’ used to be ‘Hollywood Tease’ P roadies for them so we’ll be able to get to loads of gigs.
26 – Didn’t go to work. Went to bike show then Hunstanton then Naval. Good fun.
27 – Went to work. Hate it. Went up pub, S wasn’t there. Nothing much has happened.
28 – DAD COMES HOME FROM GREECE – Didn’t go to work. Alarm didn’t go off. S phoned but I wasn’t in and he didn’t call back. Shame. Got video recorder to work anyway, I don’t know what’s wrong with it. Went to pub at nite.
29 – Went to work. None tomorrow thank god. Went to meditation. Really good. Mum came through again. Really happy. Want to see J. Went to pub after. RS down here now and she’s moving to Goodwins Road when I move out.
30 – No work. Moved stuff into Tennyson Avenue. Went up Wenns. Saw J. I became instantly happy. Had a really good nite. I can’t believe it’s G N’ R tomorrow. I’ve waited months + its so close. Nice coming back to this house.
31 – GUNS N’ ROSES WEMBLEY STADIUM – FUCKIN BRILL. WOW. WHAT MORE CAN I SAY. ‘Nine Inch Nails‘ were good but suited best to a smaller venue. We arrived at about 12.30pm + gates opened about 2.30pm. Fuckin brilliant atmosphere. Went almost to front. About 30 to 40 rows back. Got really clear views of bands. I can’t believe I’ve seen ‘Skid Row‘ + ‘G N’ R‘. Skid Row I thought were better but G N’ R gave a good performance but solos became a bit boring but the day was just WOW! Can’t believe I was so close to Sebastian yet so far, Fuckin’ brill man.
